This week I have been thinking a lot about trials in our lives. When I was young my family went through a very serious financial disaster that ended up in us losing everything. As I look around at friends and family that are without work and worry about their future, I KNOW that stress. I know the worries, I know the reality.
As I got older and marriage didn't come at the classic Mormon marriage age of 20 and I waited another decade before I found "the one". Lee and I had both had some really low days as a "single saint". I don't think you can know the aching for a family of your own unless you have to wait for yours to come. A few weeks ago a lady in our ward gave a talk about her struggles with dating and I felt a bond to her. I KNEW her pain. I could still feel the hurt like it was yesterday.
Lee and I have had a wonderful life. We adore each other and our family. We have been extremely blessed to be Keaton's parents. Having said that we struggled for 2 years to get this little girl. They say 1 in 10 couples struggle with infertility. I don't think you can understand the pain that entails unless you have tasted it if only for a bit. To ache to have your arms filled with that righteous desire is rough.
The last couple of months I have really struggled with my health. I think this is the first time in my life I have even worried really about health. With all the trouble with this pregnancy they hoped to get me to 32 weeks. I passed that this last week (now we are shooting for 35 weeks although after next week they won't stop me if she comes). Many days I feel really rough. I don't feel like I can function. With Keaton I worked 45 hours a week up to the day I delivered. Keaton and I have spent the last 3 years running around this valley checking things out. We are not ones to sit still. I never really knew what it meant to "not feel well" as a constant state. My Father-in-law and Aunt have diabetes, I didn't know what a horrible disease that was. I was callous.
SO.... what is all this whining about? I am THANKFUL for my trials. Can you believe it? I am thankful for the compassion. I am thankful that when I hear about these pains in others lives I know how rough they have it. I can cry with them, and rejoice with them when they get through them. I am thankful to know that I have a Saviour that suffered all my pains. I can now understand that HE knows. HE has been there. Even when I think no one has ever known my pain, I am wrong. I am thankful that he makes "weak things strong" through our trials. I now know how to live on nothing from watching my Mother. I know how lucky I am to have Lee and how hard we work to make our marriage great because we value each other. I know how important health is and how hard I need to work to maintain it (as a side blessing....I have only gained 4 pounds with this little girl (est. at almost 5 pounds yesterday), I will walk out of that hospital smaller then I started!). I know when this little girl comes I need to value her just as much as we value Keaton, she is a miracle and gift from God. I am thankful for all these blessings born of trials. How about you?
Brothers On Maps
1 week ago
14 comments:
I completely agree. The two years it took us to get our little baby definately has made me appreciate him more. I can't wait till he comes. I think that the trials are there not only to make us stronger, but to make us more compassionate to others. You are one of the most compassionate people I know and always so thoughtful. I always hope to be more like Kira!
You've said it so beautifully, that all I can say is "amen".
Beautiful post. The world would be a much better place if we all had such understanding and compassion. Thank you for sharing.
God uses our trials to grow us in Faith and help others. You are in this "storm of life" right now. But God is with you and will bring you through. It sounds like you have really grown and learned alot during this time! You and your little girl are in my prayers! I love that song by Jeremy Camp- I will praise you in this storm.
With tear-filled eyes, all I can really say is "AMEN". Thank you for reminding me that there really are good things that come from our trials. When you're in the middle of them, it's so hard to remember the good, the blessings, the compassionate Savior of ours.
I've been thinking about this same topic over the past few days. I met a guy on the airplane this past weekend who is basically quadriplegic from a motorcycle vs car accident three years ago. As I learned about his injuries and pondered how devastating that would be, guess what he said? "I'm thankful for my trial and wouldn't trade my injury for anyone elses." Wow. That's perspective.
Well said. Still, it sure is nice to be on the other side of one.
I agree. I've got a friend with a little girl with a serious disease, and I'm grateful I know what it means to make life-altering, heart wrenching decisions for your child. I never thought about what you said though, that it can help our testimony of the Savior's compassion. Being there, and being able to have compassion for others helps us know how he can be there for us.
I too understand trail especially infertility and health related issues. I struggle to get pregnant and have to have help with clomid, and the my body does not do well after pregnancy. My blood pressure is still up from having pre-eclampsia last year. But like you say we all should charish every moment that we have a kiss those little ones everyday. I know Heavenly Father is watching over you and that you will have a sweet little girl in your arms healthy and happy.
You are becoming an accomplished writer. Thanks for distilling these most important thoughts into your post. Your insights are appreciated.
I have to agree. You have a very beautiful way of expressing yourself. I wonder if that could be an avenue for you to be a "working" stay at home Mom. It was a wonderful post and I'm glad to have friends like you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Kira, you are, and always will be one of my heros. Thanks for your beautiful post, and know that you and your family are in our prayers.
Well said. Would you believe that I am still thankful for that awful time when hubby was out of work? 9 months of no job and not knowing where food was going to come from and I feel so blessed now to have had that experience. All these experiences are working together for our good.
Great post cuz
I am grateful for your post on trials, I too am grateful for my trials as tough as they may be. But I agree completley that it makes it worth it when you can be there for someone else and you understand your their pain. We too have struggled with infertility and it has been very challenging for me. I wish that I knew what God's plan was for me, but I can only have faith that he will bless me with more children one day. You are a strength to me that it is possible, and I wish you the best with your new little one.
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